It Goes On

I won't be writing much for this post cause there really isn't anything to write about. So it starts like this...

Life as we know it doesn't stop one second for us. Life as we know it just goes on and on. Well, guess what else goes on... The feeling that something you felt hasn't vanished, the feeling that you still care. Holidays are here, it's damn shit boring, I fractured my left wrist but I don't give a damn cause I still can do whatever I want =). I'm typing this with both hands. But all that doesn't matter. Have you ever asked yourself whether the thing in your mind, no matter if it's a feeling, a plan or even an action, is that thing your thinking of a 'want' or a 'need'. Well, is it necessary to get a prom date?? Is that a 'want' or a 'need'?? I couldn't think of an answer on why would I get a prom date?? There was no answer for me. It shows absolutely nothing because it's a 1 dinner. Yes, it's probably the last time all of us would gather but does it matter if you have a date??

Other than that, the feeling... Have you ever wanted someone so badly but when the time, the opportunity comes, you don't dare to do anything?? Well, I did and still do... Seeing her almost everyday makes my life both more miserable and enlightened. Why enlightened?? The answer for that is quite obvious. It's because it's you who I'm seeing, it's you who I get to spend time with. But I've been trying to avoid those things from happening... That's why it's miserable for me. Knowing that you'll be there but knowing that I don't stand a chance. Do you know the goosebumps feeling?? Every time I see you, I think of approaching you. But that was only a thought... Right after that thought, I'll tell me self 'no'. All you're gonna do is hurt yourself or worst, her too. That's when I get the goosebumps feeling, that when I just keep it to myself, head down, almost tearing and once again regretting.

So, the thing is, I haven't got over anything. That feeling is still there. The other day I was behind you, thinking of going up next to you and walk you back to class but then the same thing happened. I was only 2 steps away from catching up with you then there was a junction. You took a left turn and even though I had to take the same route back to my class, I went straight instead. What an idiot I am. But the thought that it was for the best told me that the wrong turn was worth it, that it was worth the wait...

Stupid Me...

Having looked through my life from past to present, I have yet to find a solution to any of my problems throughout my whole life, throughout my blog and throughout my feelings... Another thing is that throughout my blog, I discovered that the people I address 'you' with aren't always the same people. I did not achieve my goal because my mind wasn't set, it wasn't ready to accept rejection, to accept not having those people in life... So I actually push it away, 'run from problems' is what some people call it.

Did you know that, talking one-to-one with a friend, better yet a best friend helps a lot in both ways. But the person you talk to must be understanding, opened minded, caring, quite mature and a great friend. Sometimes, I tend to say the wrong things, I tend to let people down, I tend to hurt people's feelings... But the thing is 'who the hell am I to do such things'. Regretting is one thing, apologizing is another, but once you said something, you can take it back; once you give a wrong impression to people, it stays in their minds; once you hurt someone, you can never undo that. Recently, I've been thinking too much about other people, about people's personalities & attitudes, about me. I found out that I'm wrong in many different ways that I never thought of. I'm really sorry for that.

Knowing the people around me, I have a variety of friends. Looking back to the start of secondary school until now, I have never been in the same class as the same group of friends. These people I can always count on because these are my friends. Oh ya, there is nothing wrong to have a very close friend of the opposite gender, it really helps a lot. Talking to someone you're comfortable with, talking to someone who suites you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. People always take it in a wrong way. You don't have to be in a relationship, you can be just friends. I always find it easier to solve problems when you actually get opinions & suggestions from the opposite gender, especially if it involves another person of that gender. It feels great when someone tells you you're their best friend, a great buddy. It makes you feel that you are accepted.

Exams are next week. FML!!! I have no mood at all to study. But the thing is, last week, I achieved something new. I now have 11 new brothers, my teammates, the people who I know will be by my side even when it's to make fun of me, they'll definitely be there. MSSD is over but us being teammates will never be over. The 1 picture we took together as a team will never be forgotten as that's the teaching of our magnanimous coach. I think that's how you spell it =P.

I asked for the opinion of a friend on when should I pop the question for prom. Guess what, guys, we're suppose to pandai-pandai!!! Girl's got mood swings you know!!! Anyway, I think it's a bad idea if you're gonna ask during a special occasion, it's like forcing someone to say yes or even worse, break your heart... Somethings are never meant to happen, so we just have to leave it be. Loving someone is not easy, but ensuring the other person feels the same way is harder. I seldom talk about girlfriend boyfriend stuff with others or even love because I feel weird talking about it. Typing it out is easy but when saying it, I always feel like I shouldn't say it.

All my blog post, I wrote based on experience. I'm not like the others who write to get other's attention. I blog to express my own feelings and get over them. This is my way of releasing all the problems and troubles I've been through. I don't give a damn if others bother to read my blog. I don't care about the purpose of them reading my blog, I don't care what they think of my blog because this is my blog and no one can change that, no one will change me except for myself. It's all down to will power.

I found this Original Song by Tyler Ward. He's a great artist and I really like this song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5Pc10nWsDc