What Happen So Far =D

I'll start from old news then slowly come to the present day of what has happened between the time of my last post until now =)

It starts with SPM coming in the way of everything, where all the revision books come in handy and all the 'misbehaving' turning out to be not so handy. Eventhough, many people say that SPM is the deciding moment of a person's future, it plays a part but it kinda isn't a life deciding exam. But we still should study and be prepared for it.

Surprisingly, SPM came and went quite quickly. Subjects just went by, there were some upsetting moments but it was 'bearable'. After that, everything just slowed down. Days went by as if they were weeks, SPM felt like a long long time ago. Then, the holidays came or as most of us would like to call it, 'FREEDOM!!!!!!' =D There was tons of time to spend after SPM, sometimes too much time until we did not know what to do. But something would come to thought somehow every time.

GENTING

This is my 1st time going to Genting, there were 2 types of reactions when I told people so:

- Really?? You'll love it =D

- WHAT??!!! NO WAY!!!! I DON'T BELIEVE YOU

Anyway, I was kinda fun except for some 'WHAT THE CRRRAAAAAAPPPPP!!!!!' & 'SHIIIIIT!!!!' moments. And there was a, how should I put this? 'boohoo' moment... I'm not proud of that at all... Never happening again... The rides were scary, especially the space shot. I can't believe I went through that. Glad thats over =P. But the best part about Genting was that I got to go with the bestest friends I would ever have. I was crazy & scary, yet absolutely fun.

PROM

This event was absolute wonderful. Preparations had to be made but it was all worth it. I had my 1st ever slow dance with my date =) It was a lil awkward, but I think it turned out fine. And of course she was absolutely beautiful. She wore the necklace I gave her which really made me happy =D I really wish I could thank her for everything but the words 'thank you' just isn't enough to me. If you're reading this, thank you for such a spectacular night and I wish that night would never end. =D

TODAY

Last night was prom, after prom was Kayu Nasi Kandar, then cc, then basketball at 5, then sleep at 6am. After that, I set 4 alarms on my phone which were at 8 30, 8 35, 8 40 and 8 45. But the weird thing is that I woke up at 9 15 to the sound of my sms tone, which is literally a second long. Then, I went to Sunway Pyramid with a bunch of friends, we went ice skating. It was my 1st time ice skating, so someone had to teach me. The best part is I had the best teacher of all. She kept me steady throughout the 2-3 hours of skating, I was happy because after a while I didn't feel afraid because she was there by my side. I am very grateful and appreciate all the help I got. The rest of the day was amazing, I literally had a smile on my face the whole time she was there by me. I guess it was a never ending flow of happiness as long as she was there.

THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING AND

I REALLY HOPE WE WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT AGAIN =D

No Joke

I'm now 17, I realised that I have never said 'I love you' to someone, never got a proper hug from a girl (awkward ones don't count), never gone out on a date, never got a girlfriend, and honestly I do want one... Having a girlfriend to me is like knowing someone is there, anytime and anywhere. Having someone you care about right next to you, it's a feeling I really want to gain. There's always this curiousity in me that kept me thinking on how a relationship would be like, I guess it's because I've never experienced one... I know I should really concerntrate on studies now, but I don't wanna end up living the enjoyable teenage life alone.

Having a great time with friends is a good thing already but I wanna know how it feels like enjoying a moment with 1 person only, I'm sure that it'll be a whole different feeling. I also realised that achieving this won't be easy, I kinda suck in socialising with someone without making it awkward, I have no idea on how to work on that. But I hope it'll work out...

My life has gotten a lot more better, of course it's because of a few people that I've known for quite a while now. =D But I wonder how would it be like leaving all this for further studies... I know that we'll still meet up but how often?? It'll be a new life all over again... But without a doubt, I wish that it'll be like the life I'm having now...

NO WAY ON EARTH!!!!

I really meant what I said from the last post but this time things got freaking f***ed up!!!!!

The morning was great, we went the King's Scout installation and stuff. Speeches were boring as usual but it was quite fun hanging out with the Petalings again. The whole ceremony ended around 1 then we had a buffet lunch which was ok.

After that we went home... This is when the shits start. I opened by bag at the dining table and found my dad's magazine wet... Guess what?? My King's Scout cert was in the bag too... I removed everything, the bottle cap was open and I took out a file containing the cert, it was partially wet and the ink was smugged... FML!!!!! I tried to take out the cert and the freaking corner of the cert had to tear making my life a lot more miserable... Wait, it doesn't end there. The tried drying the cert with the fan. Then my dad came. You know how things are already freaking bad and your parents just have to scold you making it worst. Yup, that happened... He was like 'NEXT TIME TAKE CARE OF YOUR STUFF!!!!!' How does that freaking make things better??!!!! There won't be a next King's Scout for me. There won't be a freaking same cert!!!! HOW ON EARTH DO I TAKE CARE OF IT NEXT TIME????!!!!!!!

I really don't know what the hell I did to deserve all this bad luck. How much of bad luck?? Hold on, it's been about 17 FREAKING YEARS OF BAD LUCK!!!! I can't even try to do something and not screw it up. I can't even try to help but end up making things worst!!!! And I certainly can't even succeed at ANYTHING and EVERYTHING with this freaking horrible luck!!!!

I hate it when someone's life is so great but they just say FML when one small thing happens to them. You dare to say fml to that when you haven't even gone through the shit I have... I'm sorry if I offended anyone in anyway but I just don't understand anything anymore...

Things Should Change

This is gonna be the last post which I'll post on fb cause I kinda feel that I'm seeking attention through this blog, eventhough I that's not my intentions. So yea, I'm gonna change a few things now. I'm hoping that these changes would allow me to understand things more.

I've been kinda lost in whats going on nowadays. Is there a way to find out something without asking that certain person?? Cause if I'm wrong, I don't want things to get all awkward and stuff, especially around a group of people. So how do I changed in those terms?? I still have no idea.

What else am I gonna change in?? Hmm...
Most probably the way I think, talk and my actions.

I'm not gonna think about depressing stuff cause whats done is done, just leave it behind and move on.
I'm not gonna swear, eventhough I think I don't do much of that but I'm try to not swear at all.
I'm not gonna do stupid things like what I usually do. Always be nice in any way and every way to anyone and everyone.

Yea... that's it

Nom Nom Nom!!!! =D

Yea, so my whole family is out doing dunno what, so I made brunch for me myself and I =)

I couldn't find any bread and I'm suppose to finish the ham soon, so I kinda used the ham as my bread.

Yea, so I took ham and spread grated parmesan cheese on it, then put it in the oven to melt the cheese. Meanwhile, I cut half a tomato into slices, why not diced?? Lazy la =P

I had 2 different slices of ham so yea...

Then, I used some tuna and bbq sauce, and put it over the ham.

It looks kinda disgustingROLL IT UP!!!

Put it back in the ovenIt doesn't look like the oven did anything but I think it heated up the bbq sauce and tuna =)

Yea, after about 10 minutes the plate became empty... BOY I'M FULL!!!

THE END!!!! =D

=D

It's a public holiday, so I thought why not another post =)

Yea, so there hasn't been much happening in life actually. And yea, I decided to ask someone to be my prom date. How did I ask?? Who did I ask?? Err... I guess I'll keep it unknown =) Oh ya, there's something I want to say, I hope you're reading this, I just wanna say THANK YOU =D After all the stupid things I've done, I actually achieve something this time. When you accepted my request, I was enlightened. Honestly, I was never this happy. People keep saying I used to be the 'FML person', the emo person but now I've changed and always had a smile on my face. I don't know whether that is true though.

And to all those who know about this, please stop teasing her. I mean she's always been nice to everyone, but why can't you give her the same treatment?? It's something I can never understand. Why is it that someone can treat others nicely but not get the same reply??

Changing to another topic, this month so far is like a vacuum cleaner sucking in all the money from my wallet =( Birthday presents nowadays aren't cheap. But as long as it's for the closest people, why not?? =D I really was amazed by how this 1 person put all her heart into making cards, organizing a surprise (but she was horrible in lying =P), and getting every single thing going according to plan. She really showed what a good friend should be like.

I kinda like this cover for this song. But the bass in the second chorus screwed it up, but here it is =D

The Conclusion is Not to Jump Into Conclusion

So, it's been a while since I touched this, so... I don't really have much to say, other than the 2 main topics right now, Basketball & Prom

Yea for Basketball, it was nothing... BUT AWESOME!!!!!! We recently joined the KDU College Invitational Basketball Competition. Boy, was it a pack full of action and fun!!! Winners would get a 100% scholarship, Runner-Ups would get 50%. Just so u'll continue reading this I'll treat it like a story, so it starts like this...

The KDU Cup was on 24 July until 26 July at KDU College DJ Campus, so guess what we decided to do?? Have our 1 and only training 1 day b4 the Cup. Sadly, I mean very sadly, that night we lost 1 of our players... Mr. Devraj Sathivelu is and will always be known for never ever giving up, no matter how many times he literally fell down. So, keep it that way Dev =D

Anyway, our draw for the competition was quite scary. We were put into a group with BU3, SAS and BU4. In the game against BU4, I SCORED MY 1ST POINTS WITH THE TEAM!!!! =D It was all thx to MR. CLARENCE GAN CHONG YEU.

Well, the next 2 games against BU3 and SAS were incredible. I led BU3 at 1st but then lost by only 4 pts. But against SAS, we were down by 12 pts. But in the second 7 minutes half, we only let them score 3 pts, were we scored 23-5=18 FREAKING POINTS in 7 MINUTES!!!! =D

Oh well, then we played Sri KDU, We WON!!! Then Finals was against BU3, so yea... but it was overall one hell of a great competition with great teammates and greater brothers.

So yea... prom. Damn a lot of ppl asked liao weih. I have no idea what to do. The level for 'prom date asking' has shot up like hell!!! I can't believe how sweet, romantic and creative our school ppl can get!!! But congratz on all the efforts. It's been fun watching all the different ways of asking a single question.

Oh yea, last Sat, I went for 'jogging' I guess. Eric, Sze Wei and I walked from DU to Kiara Hill, then we were suppose to jog along with Soon, Huey Ni and Grace. But not even half way through, it started pouring rain. There's only 1 word for this situation, which is SIENNNZZZZZ. Oh well, I guess I had fun =D Can't wait to go again, and hopefully loose this bulged thingy right here.

So, I guess that rather sums it up... Good Night =D

The Escape Route

Why have I been so emo lately?? There's only 1 answer to that, I want to tell her the truth, about how I feel. But there seems to be a problem to this plan. Every time, I try to do so, she'll show that she doesn't want me around no matter what. I seem to be the cause of her sorrow and moody times. There's was once I tapped her on the shoulder and she turned around saying 'WHAT?!'. I felt immediately that she wants me to stay away from her, that I am unwanted around her. So, what am I to do?? Knowing that these things wouldn't change for the time being. I should just let it be... Keep a distance maybe, and show no interest?? I have no escape route for this right now. Hopefully something will come up in my mind eventually.

Sometimes, I'll ask her a question and she'll ignore me. I choose to look at it in way that she didn't hear me. But after a while, I gave up on that thought, I had to face the truth someday... I hope that 1 day she'll know that I regretted, know that I'm sorry for all the wrongs that I've done towards her, know that I never meant for any of it to happen, but it did... I know I'll never be as good as others, not good enough for her. I know that ever since that incident, her perspective of me changed forever, that I am a selfish ass wipe who couldn't think properly and differentiate wrong and right. Even though, I offended her indirectly, but I know that I'm not like that just because she thinks of me in that way.

So I guess, the solution, whether it's easy a not, is to give up, let go, forget and move on. Because even though she makes a smile on my face appear when I'm in sadness, helps me when I face problems, there are still times when she is the cause of my sadness and problems, she just never knew it... I always look at the good times we shared but now I remember the countless times that we never were happy, hating each other and so close but yet so far apart...

It Goes On

I won't be writing much for this post cause there really isn't anything to write about. So it starts like this...

Life as we know it doesn't stop one second for us. Life as we know it just goes on and on. Well, guess what else goes on... The feeling that something you felt hasn't vanished, the feeling that you still care. Holidays are here, it's damn shit boring, I fractured my left wrist but I don't give a damn cause I still can do whatever I want =). I'm typing this with both hands. But all that doesn't matter. Have you ever asked yourself whether the thing in your mind, no matter if it's a feeling, a plan or even an action, is that thing your thinking of a 'want' or a 'need'. Well, is it necessary to get a prom date?? Is that a 'want' or a 'need'?? I couldn't think of an answer on why would I get a prom date?? There was no answer for me. It shows absolutely nothing because it's a 1 dinner. Yes, it's probably the last time all of us would gather but does it matter if you have a date??

Other than that, the feeling... Have you ever wanted someone so badly but when the time, the opportunity comes, you don't dare to do anything?? Well, I did and still do... Seeing her almost everyday makes my life both more miserable and enlightened. Why enlightened?? The answer for that is quite obvious. It's because it's you who I'm seeing, it's you who I get to spend time with. But I've been trying to avoid those things from happening... That's why it's miserable for me. Knowing that you'll be there but knowing that I don't stand a chance. Do you know the goosebumps feeling?? Every time I see you, I think of approaching you. But that was only a thought... Right after that thought, I'll tell me self 'no'. All you're gonna do is hurt yourself or worst, her too. That's when I get the goosebumps feeling, that when I just keep it to myself, head down, almost tearing and once again regretting.

So, the thing is, I haven't got over anything. That feeling is still there. The other day I was behind you, thinking of going up next to you and walk you back to class but then the same thing happened. I was only 2 steps away from catching up with you then there was a junction. You took a left turn and even though I had to take the same route back to my class, I went straight instead. What an idiot I am. But the thought that it was for the best told me that the wrong turn was worth it, that it was worth the wait...

Stupid Me...

Having looked through my life from past to present, I have yet to find a solution to any of my problems throughout my whole life, throughout my blog and throughout my feelings... Another thing is that throughout my blog, I discovered that the people I address 'you' with aren't always the same people. I did not achieve my goal because my mind wasn't set, it wasn't ready to accept rejection, to accept not having those people in life... So I actually push it away, 'run from problems' is what some people call it.

Did you know that, talking one-to-one with a friend, better yet a best friend helps a lot in both ways. But the person you talk to must be understanding, opened minded, caring, quite mature and a great friend. Sometimes, I tend to say the wrong things, I tend to let people down, I tend to hurt people's feelings... But the thing is 'who the hell am I to do such things'. Regretting is one thing, apologizing is another, but once you said something, you can take it back; once you give a wrong impression to people, it stays in their minds; once you hurt someone, you can never undo that. Recently, I've been thinking too much about other people, about people's personalities & attitudes, about me. I found out that I'm wrong in many different ways that I never thought of. I'm really sorry for that.

Knowing the people around me, I have a variety of friends. Looking back to the start of secondary school until now, I have never been in the same class as the same group of friends. These people I can always count on because these are my friends. Oh ya, there is nothing wrong to have a very close friend of the opposite gender, it really helps a lot. Talking to someone you're comfortable with, talking to someone who suites you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. People always take it in a wrong way. You don't have to be in a relationship, you can be just friends. I always find it easier to solve problems when you actually get opinions & suggestions from the opposite gender, especially if it involves another person of that gender. It feels great when someone tells you you're their best friend, a great buddy. It makes you feel that you are accepted.

Exams are next week. FML!!! I have no mood at all to study. But the thing is, last week, I achieved something new. I now have 11 new brothers, my teammates, the people who I know will be by my side even when it's to make fun of me, they'll definitely be there. MSSD is over but us being teammates will never be over. The 1 picture we took together as a team will never be forgotten as that's the teaching of our magnanimous coach. I think that's how you spell it =P.

I asked for the opinion of a friend on when should I pop the question for prom. Guess what, guys, we're suppose to pandai-pandai!!! Girl's got mood swings you know!!! Anyway, I think it's a bad idea if you're gonna ask during a special occasion, it's like forcing someone to say yes or even worse, break your heart... Somethings are never meant to happen, so we just have to leave it be. Loving someone is not easy, but ensuring the other person feels the same way is harder. I seldom talk about girlfriend boyfriend stuff with others or even love because I feel weird talking about it. Typing it out is easy but when saying it, I always feel like I shouldn't say it.

All my blog post, I wrote based on experience. I'm not like the others who write to get other's attention. I blog to express my own feelings and get over them. This is my way of releasing all the problems and troubles I've been through. I don't give a damn if others bother to read my blog. I don't care about the purpose of them reading my blog, I don't care what they think of my blog because this is my blog and no one can change that, no one will change me except for myself. It's all down to will power.

I found this Original Song by Tyler Ward. He's a great artist and I really like this song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5Pc10nWsDc

Thinking Back

I complain on many meaningless things, I also complain about my life, putting this 2 statements together, I get " my life is meaningless". Here I go again, ppl insult me n tease me like damn shit a lot, but seriously I don't mind, it never really bothered me. This is probably because it has became part of my life. Somehow, to me, this is a good thing. Some of these insults could be what others think of me, n if there are negative comments, I can work on them. =D

Taking things in a positive manner really helps a lot, I learned this from a good friend =D. "Born with a heart, born with a brain", This shows that we are all only human, our brain actually projects our life, we choose how we want to live it n what we think of it as, the heart on the other hand guides us by instinct. If we decide to think our life as a useless piece of shit, then it will become so.

I realize that whenever I'm around someone that I like, the situation gets very awkward n I tend to do stupid things, the best thing I can do is get away, but that doesn't seem to work because in the end I would get close to her again. It doesn't make sense, n I wonder if she feels the same way. Either way, I've decided to give up on everything I've ever tried to achieve. I just wanna make sure that the feeling I'm having is mutual, so I would not break anyone's heart including mine.

A relationship can get complicated even if its from just friends to girlfriend boyfriend thing. It's damn shit stupid that a feeling can be strong at a moment n just die off another moment, it sucks that someone can be damn nice to u for a time being, n the next thing u know that person hates ur guts. That's why I decided things like this should end, think positively, end ur misery, live ur life. =D

Should It Just End??

I realize that nowadays I keep saying life is a bitch. Well, everyone knows that is true but I realize life is a bitch because u made it a bitch. Knowing that nothing will happen, I still continue to pursue that 'nothing'. So, my conclusion is screw it, don't give a damn anymore, she doesn't want u around, so do urself n her a favour by just disappearing. It actually solves everything, from how annoying u can get towards her, all the shit u go through, it just ends.

But for those already in a relationship, appreciate it pls... Come on, think about it, do u know how difficult is it to find that right person, n even if u found that person, will that person take u?? Yes, it is that complicated. Its like a smile, it can be fake or real, u can nvr tell cuz if someone wants something from u, they'll be nice to u for that 1 moment... then, after that, who gives a damn about u, go get ur own life right, its not my problem... Yes, thats life, n those I'm talking about are so called friends.

Back to those in a relationship, u guys decided to care for each other, u guys were so cute, nice and caring towards each other. NOTICE THE WORD 'WERE'?? What freaking happened?? U guys are the luckiest people on earth to find each other. But now, when 1 is smiling n cheerful, the other gets annoyed n asks the cheerful 1 to screw off. But when a small topic... I mean a meaningless shit ass bullshit topic comes out, u guys fight, quarrel n get angry at each other. I don't understand. When ur in a relationship, doesn't it mean u guys LIKE each other?? Do u know that when I see u guys happy together, I actually seriously smile. But when u guys fight, I leave because I'll be thinking to myself 'how stupid are these people', I'm sorry if ur offended, but its the truth. Why can't u guys just get along??!!

By saying should it just end, I mean should I just screw it n give up. As I said earlier, it settles everything...

Perfect Day...

It's Valentine's!!!! FML!!! Today is definitely one the worst day of my life. It started off with having no gift for Valentine's. Being a butthole ass wipe, I actually asked for a present back from someone to give it to her. Even though she agreed but I felt too bad to take it. Thanks anyway if ur reading this =D. So in school, I had no gift nor guts, I just sat through the whole day as if it was a normal day of school.

After school, I was told that she already had a Valentine. So, ya, there goes my chance. FTW. After wasting damn a lot of time with Clarence n Dev, we decided to head home. I basically slept for 4 until 6 then used the com, had dinner then went for bball with the DU gang.

Then, I was told that she didn't have a Valentine, so I messaged her just to make sure. Turns out, it was true, she didn't have 1. It was already 11:30 at night. It was only another 30 mins til end of Valentines. So my two friends bugged me to ask her. I'm not blaming them, they're just trying to help.

So, when I was at home alone, I poped the question on the phone, yes I know it sounds pathetic n it was. Either way, the result would still be the same.

So, to all u guys out there, Happy Valentines Day. N just to cheer u guys up, ur Valentines was definitely better than mine. Your welcome...

The Big Q

Every has been talking about prom but it's in about another 11 months, so y bother on who ur taking. What I just said is all bullcrap. Everyone's thinking about who to take for prom, some minds are even set already. So for those who are going, make sure u take the right person n not some1 else's date =P.

Thinking about who to bring as a date for from means u have a brain,
Caring about the person shows u have feelings,
Loving the person shows u have a heart,
But it takes all of these and 1 hell a lot of guts to pop the question.

So good luck and hope u find the right person =D

Screw The New Year!!!

I thought I was up to a great start for the new year but screw all that!!!! 1st week of school was all ok, until Fri n Sat... on Fri, my class got 41 questions straight for Mod Maths n I was planning to do log book this weekend...... after that I found out we have to finish our XPDC by Wed, I was fine with this 2 things. Now, I found out that I'm not a Calon Pengakap Raja bcuz we're not registered, screw this weih. Not to mention, even if I get in as a CPR somehow, I have to fight with my parents on the Philipines trip which clashes with Pentarafan... Some1 seriously just take a gun n shoot me slowly cuz I think that can't hurt as bad as this stupid new year....

The Year Past =(

2010 was kinda good year, except for some parts but a new year has started... Who am I kidding, 2010 wasn't really good at all =( but anyway, this year is gonna be different =D

On 1/1/11, had training in the morning, football in the evening then at night, Clarence, Dev, Aik Jean n I went OU n watched Gulliver's Travel. It was kinda a good show, had damn shit a lot of laughs then after that we took a cab back n boy was that crazy!!!! He was easily speeding at 100km/hour, even at the roundabout =O. So, that was the 1st day of my new year =D

Anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! =DD

























New Year Resolution?? I should have a few, which would be:

• Achieve King's Scout (like duh!!!)
• Smell better =P
• SPM Results...... hopefully good
• Make a move??
• Have a terrific year full with FUN, FUN, FUN!!!! =D